That is the question!
We all know we should forgive but I think we get confused on the definition of the word FORGIVE. It just means that you are giving up your right to hurt the person that hurt you. End of story.
The confusion begins when we are little and our sibling hurt us and our parents sit us down and ask, “Are you sorry for what you did to you, sister?” They reply “yes” and they look at you and say, “Tell him it’s ok and you forgive him.” And we then repeated those words. But WAIT it’s not ok! He hit me and it’s not ok; I will still forgive him because I love him and he loves me but what he did was wrong.
When we forgive we are NOT saying “what you did is ok”. We are saying “I’m not going to hold this against you. I’m not going to get revenge. I’m not going to hold a grudge.”
Does it still hurt? Does it still upset you? Maybe and Maybe.
We may need time away from this person. We may have some bad thoughts towards this person – forgiving isn’t an easy process. Take the time to go through your feelings so that you don’t have to keep revisiting them – over and over.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to invite this person back into your life nor does it mean you will put yourself back in a situation where that same thing can happen again.
Forgiveness means you will move on and have peace in your life even though some people hurt you. It means you will look at this situation more as a historical event that has happened – just the facts and not the emotions. It means you will stop pretending this “incident” is the only thing about him/her. (this is when you are wanting to keep this person in your life.) Forgiveness means you have taken some time to process this situation you’ve been mad and got out all the negative energy.
Don’t fool yourself and think that these memories won’t come back and when they do you find yourself getting upset again but that’s when you have to control your thoughts and stop them before they start affecting your feelings again.
Forgiving is letting go of the emotions that went along with the hurtful actions. We are not forgetting the action nor how it made us feel. We are just not feeling those emotions all over again.
When the memory comes back to you and you find that you are not feeling all those hurtful emotions again – then you know you have forgiven that person.
It’s ok to let it go – remember letting go of the hurt isn’t saying their actions are ok.