Wow, this has been another tough year for me. Since 2014 my life has been in a valley with a lot of mountain tops but a lot of yukky, dark days. I have gone through a lot and that has surprised me that I actually handled it as well as I did.
Like I have mentioned is past blogs, you find out who your friends are when you are going through hard times. I never would have thought that would be my life, but her I sit with a few less friends.
I have had 3 major close ‘friends’/family members be some of these that I have had to walk away from but they had no idea of the valley I was in so these were just casualties of that hard time. I just evaluated those relationships and had to get real with myself about their true intentions. I finally called them out on their treatment of me over the years and they didn’t like that. They didn’t want to get real with themselves so there was a time that we just stopped talking. One has come around and we are ok again; not back to the way it was – but, I don’t want that anyway. The middle one is oblivious to everything and too indifferent to actually care so no real loss there. And the third, well I thought our relationship was starting to show improvement but I was blindsided by her allegations of my intentions on some comments I made. She wanted to see something bad in me and she concocted up the innocent comments I made to be mean and hateful. I just can’t with that one. She can’t continue to make up stuff so she can continue to act like the victim. The veil has been removed and I no longer see these 3 the same as I did before. I can no longer lie and make up excuses to why they behave the way they do.
Now, I am nowhere near perfect. I definitely have my own faults and personalities flaws that I need to improve on and I feel that I am trying to correct those – at least I am aware of them! But all I can do at this point is LET IT GO!
I will stop thinking about these 3 for a while and then something happens and the aftermath has me thinking of them for days on end. I have to focus on God and what He has for my life and NOT stay stagnant in a one-sided relationship. I get why it’s hard at first to let people go, it shouldn’t be easy just to let people in and out of our lives. We need to fight and hang on and try to work things out. I just wish there was a manual on the correct timeline of how long to fight for the relationship and when it’s ok to let it go. We have so much guilt with letting go. “Did I really do everything I could have done to save the friendship?” “Maybe I shouldn’t have told her she was hurting my feelings.” “Maybe I was being overly sensitive and made a big deal about things?” These are all good questions that should be asked of ourselves but honestly, we know that we have finally had enough and had to say something. We have to let ourselves be strong and stand up for what’s right even if that means ruffling a few feathers along the way. Our feathers were the ones that have been ruffled all these years and we can’t continue turning a blinds eye to them.
Enough of that! I can’t wait for 2017, it has to be better than the last few. I have to concentrate on my purpose in life and being the best person I can be every single day. I need to have relationships where the respect is mutual, we bring out the best in each other and most importantly we can be honest with one another and know that each one of us is being genuine and has the best of intentions.